Stop thinking.

I'm not going to lie. I'm depressed.

No no, not in that whole, "oh Lord, I think I'm going to OD on prescription drugs," "I think I'm going to go jump off a bridge" or even "I'm going to hit a puppy" kind of way...

... just depressed.

I don't know what's coming over me. Perhaps it's:
  • The fear of the "real world"
  • The fear of not being able to find clear direction in my life
  • The fear of... him
Even a combination of all three. There is just a hell of a lot going on in my head right now. I'm not getting the best sleep in the world and I certainly am not sincerely happy.

I've been told that I think too much, overanalyze and am unable to simply "be". (I also tell myself that all the time.)

I'm not sure where my life is taking itself right now. I do know that things will be better one day, but I'm just impatient and want all of the answers NOW!

Perhaps I'll find a few of them soon. If not, I am seriously going to consider printing out clip art of a cute beagle and ripping it to shreds.

Just felt right.

I know it has been 169 days since my last post. I'm sorry. It's just that it has been one heck of a 169 days.

Trust me.

Tonight has been one hell of an evening for me. Sorry for taking it out on you all, but I just needed to tell someone.

Back in college, I had the words below up on my wall. I used to read them a lot... always made me feel better.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

No word yet on if they're doing much for me now. However, I just thought I'd share them with you.

A return?

One day I'll be back.

It has been a stressful year.

I hate excuses.

Blah

Just how I feel right now. That's all.

Also...

I'm WAY behind on postings. I know. What else is new?

In the meantime (and in the spirit of being the total opposite of my friend †Brycrasch), PLEASE feel free to follow my facebook... for those of you in the know, I guess. I tend to update that a whole heck of a lot more.

Guess you can see where my loyalties lie, eh? (failure)

Will update... in time... as I can. Prom promise.

ARGH ALGEBRA!



What is with me finding joy in double meanings of words? To be continued...

Here it is: I am ABSOLUTELY OVER College Algebra... and it's only the third week of school. Why, must you ask? Well, does telling you that this is my FIFTH yes FIFTH attempt at taking this wretched class answer your question at all? I go to class, sort of get it, look over it, go home, bring up my homework, start off, work at it, get really freakin' confused and end up putting it off, try to finish it all last minute and finally end up SCREAMING at my poor computer (like it can do anything about it)! I'm just over it all... again... for the fifth time.

I'm a hospitality major. We're happy people. College Algebra does NOT make me happy.

In reference to the above, I have since learned "Algebra" is also the name of a female R&B singer, pictured above. Who's crazy enough to call themselves THAT?

To resolve in 2010


Maybe ride trains more? I don't know. I'm really enjoying this trip back to NYC from that New Year's get-together in NJ last night. Especially because it's giving me time to blog.

Anywho, I usually find myself making one, two or three resolutions every year as the calendar rolls back around to January 1st. Typically, my New Year's resolutions seem to be made up of:
  • A deep thought
  • Some tangible or practical statement
  • An off-the-wall comment that actually makes no sense at all
Last year, I had one simple resolution... "to better myself overall." I'm still not too sure what I completely meant by that (hence the whole "deep thought" theme), but what I think I was going for was to be "better" with my finances, at work, at school, in my friendships and in my relationships.

Well, seeing as I ended up buying a house, was late to work more than I would have wanted, withdrew from a few classes, wasn't the best with friends and certainly screwed up my fair share with some of the boys in my life... that resolution didn't work out so well.

For 2010, however, I'm shooting for three. I know, I know, if one got me nowhere, why am I even trying, at all?

Because I can. That's why.

So, for this exciting, even-numbered year, I'm going to touch on all three themes:
  • Find happiness, whatever that may be
  • Learn to play the piano
  • Just take a chance and go for it
I'm certainly happy with those taking me into this new year, so, perhaps, I've even knocked one out already.

And should I also resolve to blog some more? I'm sure that, if I did, all of you would be happy, as well.

HERE'S TO 2010!
(and has anyone ACTUALLY decided if we're calling it "twenty-ten" or "two-thousand ten" yet? I prefer the former, for the record.)

I didn't get a kiss on New Year's Day

Outside, sitting in rainy, 34 degree weather in Bridgeton, NJ, I find a calm coming over me from the world. But, even though no kiss was in sight, I'm still going to make 2010 the BEST year ever. I can feel it.

Now, where's my flight back to the comfy FL weather? I'm going inside now.

Happy New Year, everyone!