First days of fall

September 22nd brought a very exciting day - the first day of fall! Temperatures dropping, leaves falling, children laughing...

... well, perhaps not so much in Florida. And I'm not even sure what I was going for with that whole "children laughing" statement. Guess I just needed a filler. I mean, we do have laughing children, but... oh, just forget it.

Anyway, the start of fall. (I'm kinda excited) Actually, the temperatures HAVE begun to drop a little, we've been getting some rain, and the breeze has picked up over the past few days. We're even looking ahead to lows in the upper 60s in the mornings this week! Woo hoo!

Now, hold on a second, don't start the "oh, I just hate Florida because the leaves don't change colors and fall to the ground like they do elsewhere in the country" dialogue. I hate that. True, you may not find any parking lots in the state resembling the above image, but I'm fine with that. It is a beautiful sight, but if you want to see it, go up north. I'll stick with my mild temperatures and the "not-having-to-rake-the-leaves-out-of-the-driveway" frame of mind. I know that our transition into winter isn't the smoothest of all, but still. It works for us.

Fall also brings with it the thought of the next major holiday season, winter and Christmas - my favorite time of year! However, it's not looking too good for me as we draw closer to that perfect time for giving gifts, drinking hot cocoa, having dinner with friends and family, and spending some extra time with those you care for and care for you.

Mind you, I am blessed to have a lot of friends and family that I admire and love. The bump in the road just happens to come when the topic of "romance" is brought up. Not to get all negative Nancy with this post, but I'm just now looking back on my almost disastrous December 2007:
  • A certain "special someone" broke up with me, after our second attempt at a steady relationship
  • I turned around from that and "stole" the guy he was crushing on, for some haphazard fun that never become anything but that (even though I put a lot of heart into it all)
  • Rebounded off both of them and broke another heart
...  from which I ended up feeling like crap.

Since all of that, it sure has been one whirlwind after another as I made my way into 2008 - the year that I resolved to "better myself overall", which included being "careful with relationships".

Yea, right.

I don't want to go on and on forever, but here's a summary of where I stand now:
  • Feeling pretty inadequate from another failed relationship and a couple mindless crushes
  • Falling for someone I barely know, six states away
  • Not knowing what to feel about someone else who has come into my life very recently
One of my good friends probably says it right when he tells me, "you simply don't know what you want" and advises me to "just be alone for a while, make a move when the time is right."

Maybe he's telling the truth, but I don't want the time to be right... I want the time to be NOW! I want that special someone with whom I can share happy conversation. I want that special someone with whom I can hold hands. I want that special someone that I can pamper, and treat, and love. I want that special someone that I can look at and simply think, "wow - how lucky am I?"
Perhaps I'm just impatient, but, I'll tell you one thing... I don't want to be alone.

Keep your fingers crossed for December 2008. As long as the mercury in the thermometer keeps dropping (or the galinstan, or whatever we're all using now), I'm gonna keep searching, thinking, praying, and hoping that everything will "fall" into place.


Ryan Morse said...

I have been telling people this for a while (I should take my own advice now that I am becoming all stressed out about my job prospects)... but it all works out in the end. You have to majorly fuck up for that not to happen.

You do not know what you want. You are looking for fake love, based on what you think is real. However, I know eventually you will figure it all out... if you truly want to.

Uncertainty sucks. Being alone sucks. Not being where you want to be, sucks. But all of these things are supposed to happen to us at this age.

I should be more worried, because I am starting to leave that age range that it is okay for life to be uncertain.

Matthew, you are one of the sweetest people I know. You only want what is right in life. You are just a little high strung. If you focus on what you want, and let it happen... it will. Just don't majorly fuck up. ;-)

Ryan Morse said...

oh yeah, and you Rake grass not a parking lot.

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